Amazing What the Sound of Your Own Voice Can Teach ... If You LISTEN ...

Maybe you have little ones at home, although it helps with older ones to, Maybe you do this when you think that no one is listening --- I am talking about Reading Out Loud!  It is a fact that reading out loud helps good readers to become better readers, reading out loud helps you stay focused & improves comprehension & often reading out loud is simply soothing to the soul.

All that being said I surprised myself yesterday when I prayed out loud.  I will admit I am a "out loud" prayer.  People now just assume I am using BlueTooth, I imagine they used to think I simply was always talking to myself.  It is my habit of mine to drop my fellows off to school, catch a few minutes of Fox News, listen to a little bit of silly on the Kat & then turn the radio off and have my morning chat with God.  It usually starts with a "Good Morning & a hello to my Dad."  Most likely prayers for those I care about who are struggling come next.  I then go on to ask His blessing over my boys for the day --- Be safe, Be happy, Be who He created them to be.  I of late ask for a great deal of peace & calm for myself.  Prayers of gratitude usually follow - and on most days I am happy to report are the bulk of our talk ... I assume He knows all my worries & we chat about those throughout the day so I like to take a little extra time for my Thank Yous! 

Yesterday's prayer was pretty normal, except that I found myself praying for something lets say of a self centered notion ... God knows my heart so there is no use pretending I am gracious all of the time.  This worry I had was real and I am not sorry I shared it with God.  What made me step back was shortly there after I heard of a real need,  I instantly spoke up & prayed and in that instance demanded better of myself...

Out Loud ... I heard myself ask for foolishness.  Out Loud ... I heard myself not trusting His plans.  Out Loud ... I saw myself as human & Him as Almighty...

In a day where we sit quietly and read in the corner hoping for some alone time, where we send emails to lighten the blow, where we text instead of call ... Our voice has become soft --- Has our voice become weak?

I like that my conversation with God has reminded me to SPEAK UP ... Say Hello to a Stranger, Call & Invite Your Spouse to Lunch, and Speak Out Loud to God and allow Him to ANSWER --- He will & I promise it will be LOUD & CLEAR!!!

Happy Talking ...
Love, me

It's Official ... Living Well is Not About Knowing it All ...

My "baby" turned 11 yesterday ... The year was 2000 - We were moving into our 2nd house, I had been a wife for 3 years, a daughter for 27 years and thought of myself as grounded, prepared & an all around good person...How could I not be a good mom?  I had/have a good mom, I had dreamed of being of mom forever & in fact had spent the last year taking temperatures, having not so pleasant procedures & taking medicines that didn't always bring out the best in me ... And on the Saturday before Easter of 2000 my precious gift entered the world & granted my heart true love!

I tell you all this because yesterday I realized that though I have survived the sleepless nights, the impossible bed times, the picky eating ... I still don't know much --- The fears of the 1st year have been replaced with the uncertainty of middle school, the line of when do you let them try & fail & how do I help him appreciate his God given talents ...

I am lucky not just my 1 son, but the other 2 that joined him, are teaching me ... I am a good Mom --- Not because I know it all ... I do know a lot --- I know I yell, I know I expect a lot, I know I can not be everything to everyone all of the time ... and yet I feel we do communicate, I feel they strive to be their best, & I feel enjoyed!!!

My thoughts today are not about perfection - Who cares really? And who is the score - keeper? A kiss good night, A chuckle at a joke that wasn't funny, A hand through a sloppy pony - tail ... That is LIVING WELL!

It seems that this not so perfect mom is doing pretty well mothering 3 not so perfect kids ... I would say that makes us in fact PERFECT...

Today --- Cut yourself some slack ... Easter Dinner - Ham Sandwiches count, Family Time - a drive to Game Stop, counts ... Perfection is not NEAT, ORDERLY, or WELL PLANNED ... It is LOVE, LAUGHTER & LIVING WELL ...

ENJOY ... Imperfection is a GIFT!!!

love, me

Just Where We Are Supposed To Be...

Happy Sunday ... It was indeed a WONDERFUL weekend ... Not like I imagined it would be ---

Friday afternoon the boys and I hit the road to head to Mom's (still not used to the Mom's ... in my heart it will always be Mom & Dad's).  Now in the past months my car has practically been on auto pilot for that stretch of road.  And Friday was no different in that I had a sickening pit in my stomach.  You see I have now driven that road on my way to meet surgeons, to see the aftermath of a hemmorage, to see what a trach looks and sounds like, to experience the effects of chemo & radiation, to meet the Hospice nurse, to say good -bye & now to visit Mom's not Mom & Dad's...  But like each & every other trip I strapped in, drove a little fast, prayed a lot & in the end faced it --- This weekend was the same...

Home was still Home ... I didn't buckle or fall apart ... I rested and let Home heal as only Home can do ...

And in the midst of the healing I became an Aunt!  That is right my Baby Brother is now a Dad ... And isn't it just like my Dad to make an event out of a not so welcoming experience.  I was where I needed to be - I was where my Mom needed me - I was where my Dad needed me!

Healing from the Great Healer occured.  I went home, Mom cried tears of JOY, my brother became a Dad, a Baby Girl showed us LIFE ...

Home is a place that sometimes sadness happens, but it we have built our HOMES on Joy, Family, Faith & Goodness they can withstand any storm.  My parents were successful in that ... I will be successful in that ...

My days on this Earth will be spent making a HOME --- and I don't mean building bigger or decorating better --- I mean I will be Building Stronger and Covering in LOVE ...

Home can Heal --- But the Bones MUST be STRONG ...

Give thanks today for the Bones of your Home & know that no matter the current condition of those bones - Today you can start BUILDING BETTER...

Love a very thankful me...

Let's Finish Talking 37...

Can't shake the feeling that I need to "wrap" up my earlier post ... So let's end it this way ---

I couldn't be happier to be 37 & would much perfer 37 to twenty - something, even with the wrinkles & extra pounds ... And why you ask?  It is simple ...

• At 20ish I would not have made an appointment for acupuncture when I could not shake a head ache ... This morning's 1st appointment - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have appreciated the value of the right medicine ... The smiles on 2 boys' faces who finally feel relief - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have taken the time to sit in the quiet for a 2nd cup of coffee ... The appreciate gained through my Dad's loss - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have understood why one would be anxious about a baby's arrival, when it is not "your" baby ... The pit in my stomach as I wait to hear my Baby Brother's Baby Girl has arrived - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have thought that a Girls' Night Out was that big of a deal ... The love of a group of husbands who encourage & make it possible - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have been thankful for All of the Above ... At 37 I am - That THANKFULNESS alone is Beyond WONDERFUL!

Love, me

Think I will Just Appreciate 37 Years...

So, as of last weekend I now am the proud mother of 2 boys in "double digits", I had an interesting moment with a doctor in which I realized that I take much better care of everyone else than I do of myself, I have admitted that even with the "good care" boys & dogs end up sick & hurt ... and last but not least it is true --- the wrinkles have appeared, the # on the scale seems stuck & I am not 20 something ...

What does all of this mean?  Something different than you may think ... Maybe the  last year has indeed brought me to a better place.  My boys are growing & watching that process is amazing --- The babies are becoming young men and I now am starting to realize that this growth spurt is even more exciting than the 1st steps.  Poison ivy & a hawk on the hunt are part of a normal every day life in my household --- Instead of fretting I simply remembered to say Thank You to a Doctor I adore, Thank You to a Pharmarcist I am lucky to call my friend, and Thank You to a Vet who made a difference in the lives of 2 special dogs. 

And as for the wrinkles ... They come from laughter and love --- the scale ... Well that comes from too much of a good thing & not enough miles run ...

But today I am looking at things a little differently --- A while back I realized that we laugh in situations that are often not funny simply because it is the only way to catch our breath ... The laugh lines are proof that whenever life handed me the impossible I found the energy, courage & strength to take a deep breathe.  And as for the number on the scale - that is just part of the journey ... I will take a walk today, be proud of myself for going a whole week without a Diet Coke & then later I am going to have dinner with girlfriends & enjoy every last bite ...

Today's message seems to ramble ... But ramble is what it is all about --- Be HAPPY today, Feel YOUNG today, Know that you are BEAUTIFUL ... YOU are YOU ...and it is ENOUGH, it is WORTHY & YOU should CELEBRATE...

Permission Given --- April 6, 2011 is a GIFT ... Unwrap & ENJOY

Love, me

What Is There to be Afraid Of... Really?

It is FRIDAY ... Can I simply say --- What a last 24 hours, What a week, What a past 6 weeks, what a season ---

My week started out like most --- Sleepy children on a Monday, laundry, catch - up with the many stacks that have found themselves in my path, info gathered on Harry S Truman & Mercury for school projects --- All things that might seem mundane, but considering my last few months, all tasks that I both crave & treasure...

Tuesday --- Coffee & Conversation with a dear friend and another "first."  After losing someone you love I have realized that much of your days center around "firsts" ... The first family dinner, The first time you pick up the phone & remember he is not there to answer, The first time you go home (have not faced that one --- but plan to next weekend) & this week the first time I walked into a hospital.  I have not been to a hospital since the day we met with the surgeons to hear the possible & impossible treatments options.  I walked out of the hospital that day with my Dad by my side not knowing --- Is he or Isn't he ... We all now know that he didn't return --- He made the bravest, wisest & kindest decision... He took his time with us & not a team of surgeons ... Ben Brown died as he lived, on his own terms.  But that is not what Tuesday, March 29th was to be about ... A father of a friend, who is now himself a friend, is fighting his own battle --- Happily he is well on his way to victory.  In the deepest place of my heart I wanted & needed to wish him well in person.  I find myself in the parking deck wondering, "Can I really go in there and bring comfort & joy?"

That is where my Heavenly Father and my earthly one, who now has a better eye on me, taught me a lesson.  You see, I walked in that hospital room, had a delightful visit and left with my heart full of JOY.  I did not do one thing for the ones I visited --- They put a piece of me back in my heart.  I get it --- We do good, not for the benefit of others - They are already in the hands of the Healer ... We do good because it simply makes us better.  Thank you, Sweet Ones --- This week I wish you the same HEALING you gave me!

You see I was AFRAID ... I do not like admitting that.  I do however like that I faced it & I conquered it ... The rest of the week --- One part of my heart went flying over the handlebars - He is now the proud owner of some pretty impreesive scars... 2 of the 3 of my 4-legged parts of my heart survived an attack of what we now believe to be a hawk, They are too the proud new owners of quite a survival story... Fear --- It is there ... Have wished more than once that I could lock those I love up, throw away the key & simply be ...

Again I get a message ... The sun is back out, there was laughter from a bruised faced, dog treats happily taken & believe it or not the world kept right on spinning ... So no doors have been locked, instead they have been opened & with a shrug of the shoulders & and a chuckle I know REALLY there is nothing to be afraid of...

Happy Day - NO fear, JOY will CONQUER & HEAL ... You simply have to OPEN the door!

Love, me