Why It is "GREAT" To Be Me ... Probably Not What You Think

Why in the world would I claim, "It is great to be me?" One might first imagine that the reason is that it is a mere 10 minutes until 5 and I am already in my favorite Folly Beach tee, old blue flannels & fuzzy slippers.  Or maybe it is because a certain WW II project has been turned in & presented ... and I must say a cetain curly haired kid I know knocked it out of the ball park.  Possibly it is that another kid I adore took a hit, shed a tear & yet dusted himself off and put himself back in the game ... I just love that spirit.  And yet it may be that a ball of fire little guy gave me just the chuckle I needed when I relayed today's events ... perspective is an amazing thing ... Oh, yes just a few reasons Me is a good thing ... But let's get to the real reason of me liking me today ...

Grumpy, Late, Rushed, Grumpy ... All ways my morning started.  Definite bright spots occured --- Funny how those moments keep popping up to try to steer you towards the light.  Morning seemed to be on track to get better & even held a little promise of things to come ... And then me, myself was asked a very simple question that I did not answer so well.  Now if there is one thing I know how to do it is talk ... So to say I am bothered when my words fail me is an understatement.  

Enter another bright spot ... "Come on, Me --- Brighten Up!"  So I shake off the negative, invite my hubby to lunch, he agrees and I set off on a couple of errands before we meet.  At this point there is no lady like way to describe what comes next ... So please forgive --- I wipe what a think is a random rain drop off of my face and realize that water it is not.  I am not sure what the birds have against us ... but really.  So, on with the tale .... I have nothing in my car or bag except tissue paper, the kind you wrap with, and hand sanitizer.  And so the clean - up begins.  The hair is now a greasy mess (and believe it or not NO pony tail holder) and I have a very clean yet "not" clean smell.

Cancel lunch ... Are you kidding?  Day proceeds ...

Now how does this day show greatness?  Let me explain ...

1. Even when I take myself too seriously & fret over each answer - a simple something, like a bird with bad timing, swoops in and takes my mind in a new direction ...
2. Even when I show up for lunch not well groomed I can get a chuckle out of the man I adore & cherish ...
3. Even when I show up a little out of sorts a girlfriend says, "You look skinny --- hair not so great" but YEA for the skinny ...
4. Even when I feel tired, overwhelmed & unsure I realize that today is May 18th ... Big Deal - Not really ... But yesterday was the 17th & I didn't stop and make a note of it ... Healing is a WONDERFUL thing!!!

I am guessing we all have days like today ... What if we all simply shake it off to GREATEST ... Days like today remind me that I am LIVING ... Life is a journey - BUMPY, SMOOTH, TREACHEROUS ... I am so thankful to be TRAVELING ... birds & all!!!

Your Journey Makes YOU GREAT ... It is as SIMPLE as that!

much love, me

SURPRISE...

Today I was a part of a SURPRISE!!!  We had an early Surprise Birthday Luncheon for one of my best friends ... Turning 40 is FABULOUS - but what is more FABULOUS is the look on someone's face when they are covered up with affection.  We did that today!

I have been very blessed in the friend department.  I had a wonderful best friend when I was very little.  Bea J & I toddled around together and for years traveled to new places when our Dads' got transferred.  Bea J died when we were in college.  Her death was my first experience with loss.  I think of her often & love knowing my Dad has one of his girls close. 

I moved to Columbia and started the 1st grade.  Easy to make friends when you are 6,  I know.  But I can say I made friends at 6, moved away & still treasure them.  We once upon a time called ourselves the Purple Ladies ... Remeber that, Shelley, Kristine, Greer, Leigh & Karen?  Makes me chuckle just thinking about it.

My Mom & Dad did the unthinkable ... We moved in MIDDLE SCHOOL.  Still not sure I am over the shock of that one ... Friends were a tad slower going at that point ... But my luck hadn't run out.  Christy, Becky, Jac, Trina, and more turned up and stayed.  High school added Misty, Michelle, Dana and many more.  And then it was time for another change --- College ... Welcome, Meredith College.  What was I to find there ... Christy, Holly, Nikki, Ashley - just to name a few.  And these aren't just girlfriends of my past.  Not a day goes by that I don't hear or touch base with one or more of these sweet creations.

Graduation, Move, Marriage --- Bring in Shannon, Ann, Jennifer, and Kara.  We married, become Moms, sent our hearts to Preschool ... We celebrated 1st birthdays, we walked fussy babies, we got through some pretty long days ... Hello, Kindergarten ... Mitchell, Brown & William made new friends & guess what so did I ... Shannon, Kim, Sonya, Allison, Kristy, Dee, Dora, Tracy, Kim, Julie, Cindy, Heather, Brandon, & some many, many more ... And these girls have seen me through K - 5, business scares, moves & losing my Dad ... You haven't seen a friend until one pulls up at the exact moment you begin to lose yourself.  She is the one who takes your hand and brings you back and she is willing to do it as many times as you need her to.

Now above is just the tip of the iceburg ... and I am not sure how I got so lucky!  And maybe lucky is not the right word --- Thankful is more what I feel.  Friends are the Family you get to choose.  I think I have chosen better than most and I am always looking.  Not to replace --- Not in my world ... My very favorite thing is too have all my girlfriends from all walks of my life together.  If I were to design my BEST day ... All my GIRLFRIENDS would be in the very same room, laughing, telling stories & learning to love more & more...

If you are my friend & you all know who you are (and it for certain isn't only the few names above - they simply go with the flow of my tale) Be certain of a few things ... You are cherished, You are celebrated, You will forever have someone at your side ... I love you, GIRLS --- Each & EVERY ONE of YOU!!!

Happy Birthday, Sweet Shannon ... It is your Special Occasion & Yet YOU are the GIFT!!!

Celebrate Your Friends TODAY ... Take Care of Your Friends TODAY ... Be Thankful for your FRIENDS TODAY ...

love, me & my many friends ....

Mom Oh Mom

Well, my Mother's Day post is a bit late ... Oh well --- Been Busy being a Mom so I guess that is a good enough excuse!

First & foremost Happy Mother's Day to all Moms ... It is a job that holds the most possisbilities.  I am lucky enough to call my Mom Mama.  She is like no other.  Kind, Amazing, Strong are all immediate ways to describe her.  It is only now after 37 years of being her daughter do I know the secret of motherhood.  Simply speaking I was designed to be her kid!  Ever wonder why the actions or attitudes of other children annoy or worry you?  Probably why God gave them to different parents!  Now my Mom has much to offer --- She also has been known to expect much ...

Case in point, most of you know I lost my Dad recently.  Mom without even trying used cancer, big decisions & the loss of her soul mate as teaching moments.  "It is okay to be sad, but we will not use our last days on this Earth with your Dad hysterical," she reminded me.  "If your Dad is calm & content, we are calm & content," she insisted.  "I love him deeply enough to let him go," she comforted. 

Sometimes expectations seem out of our reach.  Maybe that is the job of mothering.  Encouraging, Challenging & Willing to Celebrate and Pick Up the Pieces.  Maybe another kid couldn't have live up to Mom's expectations --- I have ... She taught me I am stronger than I think, wiser than I believe & that I am always enough!!!

My example of mothering is better than most ... I am most proud of the mothering I have done so far!  Raising perfect children - I am not ... Being a perfect Mom - I am not ... What I do is ENCOURAGE, CHALLENGE, CELEBRATE & STAND BESIDE ... At the end of my days I will know that like my Mom I was present in the Good, the Bad & the In Between ...

Thank You, Mom ... I am a better person because of YOU, I will always try to be the person YOU believe me to be, and at the end of the day, like YOU, I will know JOY!!!

love, me

Who Are You?

Days like this are the reason why people live in North Carolina ... I was driving home a little while ago on a nondescript road that I drive a zillion times a week --- And I SMILED!  The grass is an amazing green & the sky was picture perfect & I actually thought to myself, "Heaven cannot be any prettier!"

Well, I am sure Heaven is perfectly amazing as is the One who created it.  And with that same amazing creation He created each of us.  Tall - Short, Skinny - Not so Skinny, Book Smart - Commom Sense Smart ... Each perfectly designed for His purpose...

Today was the 3rd day of End of the Grade testing for my fellows.  Tired, Stessed, Not feeling their Smartest --- All attributes of such testing.  Well, this morning the "Common Sense" Mom made an appearance.  You see in the last 24 hours I have been reminded of the importance of LIFE ... Not complicated matters - Simple things ... such as LOVE, RESPECT & KINDNESS ...

So how did this "Common Sense" Mothering come across ... A few helpful hints to 3 Grumpy Fellows---

1. In life no one is all that interested in whether or not you were an A student or a C student ... Rather - How do you use your talents to make this world a better place?
2. In life no one is ever going to ask you if you had trouble ''bubbling" on a standarized answer sheet ... Rather - Did you go in believing in yourself, Did you try your best?
3. In life no one is keeping a score card on how many times you got it right the 1st time ... Rather - How many times did you fail & try again?

"Ok, Boys ... Enough is Enough --- It is a simple test ... Put a Smile on your face, Be Thankful, Listen, Try ... And then Let It Be!!!," said a very WISE Mom!

And then the very same WISE Mom thought, "How am I doing?"  So I SMILED, I am THANKFUL for it ALL (good & not so good), I LISTENED, and I will TRY --- To LOVE ALWAYS, To RESPECT EVERYONE & To Let KINDNESS be my 1st Response ...

A Standardized Test meant to Test our Children ... Maybe, Just Maybe We All Just PASSED ...

love, me

Amazing What the Sound of Your Own Voice Can Teach ... If You LISTEN ...

Maybe you have little ones at home, although it helps with older ones to, Maybe you do this when you think that no one is listening --- I am talking about Reading Out Loud!  It is a fact that reading out loud helps good readers to become better readers, reading out loud helps you stay focused & improves comprehension & often reading out loud is simply soothing to the soul.

All that being said I surprised myself yesterday when I prayed out loud.  I will admit I am a "out loud" prayer.  People now just assume I am using BlueTooth, I imagine they used to think I simply was always talking to myself.  It is my habit of mine to drop my fellows off to school, catch a few minutes of Fox News, listen to a little bit of silly on the Kat & then turn the radio off and have my morning chat with God.  It usually starts with a "Good Morning & a hello to my Dad."  Most likely prayers for those I care about who are struggling come next.  I then go on to ask His blessing over my boys for the day --- Be safe, Be happy, Be who He created them to be.  I of late ask for a great deal of peace & calm for myself.  Prayers of gratitude usually follow - and on most days I am happy to report are the bulk of our talk ... I assume He knows all my worries & we chat about those throughout the day so I like to take a little extra time for my Thank Yous! 

Yesterday's prayer was pretty normal, except that I found myself praying for something lets say of a self centered notion ... God knows my heart so there is no use pretending I am gracious all of the time.  This worry I had was real and I am not sorry I shared it with God.  What made me step back was shortly there after I heard of a real need,  I instantly spoke up & prayed and in that instance demanded better of myself...

Out Loud ... I heard myself ask for foolishness.  Out Loud ... I heard myself not trusting His plans.  Out Loud ... I saw myself as human & Him as Almighty...

In a day where we sit quietly and read in the corner hoping for some alone time, where we send emails to lighten the blow, where we text instead of call ... Our voice has become soft --- Has our voice become weak?

I like that my conversation with God has reminded me to SPEAK UP ... Say Hello to a Stranger, Call & Invite Your Spouse to Lunch, and Speak Out Loud to God and allow Him to ANSWER --- He will & I promise it will be LOUD & CLEAR!!!

Happy Talking ...
Love, me

It's Official ... Living Well is Not About Knowing it All ...

My "baby" turned 11 yesterday ... The year was 2000 - We were moving into our 2nd house, I had been a wife for 3 years, a daughter for 27 years and thought of myself as grounded, prepared & an all around good person...How could I not be a good mom?  I had/have a good mom, I had dreamed of being of mom forever & in fact had spent the last year taking temperatures, having not so pleasant procedures & taking medicines that didn't always bring out the best in me ... And on the Saturday before Easter of 2000 my precious gift entered the world & granted my heart true love!

I tell you all this because yesterday I realized that though I have survived the sleepless nights, the impossible bed times, the picky eating ... I still don't know much --- The fears of the 1st year have been replaced with the uncertainty of middle school, the line of when do you let them try & fail & how do I help him appreciate his God given talents ...

I am lucky not just my 1 son, but the other 2 that joined him, are teaching me ... I am a good Mom --- Not because I know it all ... I do know a lot --- I know I yell, I know I expect a lot, I know I can not be everything to everyone all of the time ... and yet I feel we do communicate, I feel they strive to be their best, & I feel enjoyed!!!

My thoughts today are not about perfection - Who cares really? And who is the score - keeper? A kiss good night, A chuckle at a joke that wasn't funny, A hand through a sloppy pony - tail ... That is LIVING WELL!

It seems that this not so perfect mom is doing pretty well mothering 3 not so perfect kids ... I would say that makes us in fact PERFECT...

Today --- Cut yourself some slack ... Easter Dinner - Ham Sandwiches count, Family Time - a drive to Game Stop, counts ... Perfection is not NEAT, ORDERLY, or WELL PLANNED ... It is LOVE, LAUGHTER & LIVING WELL ...

ENJOY ... Imperfection is a GIFT!!!

love, me

Just Where We Are Supposed To Be...

Happy Sunday ... It was indeed a WONDERFUL weekend ... Not like I imagined it would be ---

Friday afternoon the boys and I hit the road to head to Mom's (still not used to the Mom's ... in my heart it will always be Mom & Dad's).  Now in the past months my car has practically been on auto pilot for that stretch of road.  And Friday was no different in that I had a sickening pit in my stomach.  You see I have now driven that road on my way to meet surgeons, to see the aftermath of a hemmorage, to see what a trach looks and sounds like, to experience the effects of chemo & radiation, to meet the Hospice nurse, to say good -bye & now to visit Mom's not Mom & Dad's...  But like each & every other trip I strapped in, drove a little fast, prayed a lot & in the end faced it --- This weekend was the same...

Home was still Home ... I didn't buckle or fall apart ... I rested and let Home heal as only Home can do ...

And in the midst of the healing I became an Aunt!  That is right my Baby Brother is now a Dad ... And isn't it just like my Dad to make an event out of a not so welcoming experience.  I was where I needed to be - I was where my Mom needed me - I was where my Dad needed me!

Healing from the Great Healer occured.  I went home, Mom cried tears of JOY, my brother became a Dad, a Baby Girl showed us LIFE ...

Home is a place that sometimes sadness happens, but it we have built our HOMES on Joy, Family, Faith & Goodness they can withstand any storm.  My parents were successful in that ... I will be successful in that ...

My days on this Earth will be spent making a HOME --- and I don't mean building bigger or decorating better --- I mean I will be Building Stronger and Covering in LOVE ...

Home can Heal --- But the Bones MUST be STRONG ...

Give thanks today for the Bones of your Home & know that no matter the current condition of those bones - Today you can start BUILDING BETTER...

Love a very thankful me...

Let's Finish Talking 37...

Can't shake the feeling that I need to "wrap" up my earlier post ... So let's end it this way ---

I couldn't be happier to be 37 & would much perfer 37 to twenty - something, even with the wrinkles & extra pounds ... And why you ask?  It is simple ...

• At 20ish I would not have made an appointment for acupuncture when I could not shake a head ache ... This morning's 1st appointment - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have appreciated the value of the right medicine ... The smiles on 2 boys' faces who finally feel relief - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have taken the time to sit in the quiet for a 2nd cup of coffee ... The appreciate gained through my Dad's loss - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have understood why one would be anxious about a baby's arrival, when it is not "your" baby ... The pit in my stomach as I wait to hear my Baby Brother's Baby Girl has arrived - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have thought that a Girls' Night Out was that big of a deal ... The love of a group of husbands who encourage & make it possible - Beyond WONDERFUL!
• At 20ish I would not have been thankful for All of the Above ... At 37 I am - That THANKFULNESS alone is Beyond WONDERFUL!

Love, me

Think I will Just Appreciate 37 Years...

So, as of last weekend I now am the proud mother of 2 boys in "double digits", I had an interesting moment with a doctor in which I realized that I take much better care of everyone else than I do of myself, I have admitted that even with the "good care" boys & dogs end up sick & hurt ... and last but not least it is true --- the wrinkles have appeared, the # on the scale seems stuck & I am not 20 something ...

What does all of this mean?  Something different than you may think ... Maybe the  last year has indeed brought me to a better place.  My boys are growing & watching that process is amazing --- The babies are becoming young men and I now am starting to realize that this growth spurt is even more exciting than the 1st steps.  Poison ivy & a hawk on the hunt are part of a normal every day life in my household --- Instead of fretting I simply remembered to say Thank You to a Doctor I adore, Thank You to a Pharmarcist I am lucky to call my friend, and Thank You to a Vet who made a difference in the lives of 2 special dogs. 

And as for the wrinkles ... They come from laughter and love --- the scale ... Well that comes from too much of a good thing & not enough miles run ...

But today I am looking at things a little differently --- A while back I realized that we laugh in situations that are often not funny simply because it is the only way to catch our breath ... The laugh lines are proof that whenever life handed me the impossible I found the energy, courage & strength to take a deep breathe.  And as for the number on the scale - that is just part of the journey ... I will take a walk today, be proud of myself for going a whole week without a Diet Coke & then later I am going to have dinner with girlfriends & enjoy every last bite ...

Today's message seems to ramble ... But ramble is what it is all about --- Be HAPPY today, Feel YOUNG today, Know that you are BEAUTIFUL ... YOU are YOU ...and it is ENOUGH, it is WORTHY & YOU should CELEBRATE...

Permission Given --- April 6, 2011 is a GIFT ... Unwrap & ENJOY

Love, me

What Is There to be Afraid Of... Really?

It is FRIDAY ... Can I simply say --- What a last 24 hours, What a week, What a past 6 weeks, what a season ---

My week started out like most --- Sleepy children on a Monday, laundry, catch - up with the many stacks that have found themselves in my path, info gathered on Harry S Truman & Mercury for school projects --- All things that might seem mundane, but considering my last few months, all tasks that I both crave & treasure...

Tuesday --- Coffee & Conversation with a dear friend and another "first."  After losing someone you love I have realized that much of your days center around "firsts" ... The first family dinner, The first time you pick up the phone & remember he is not there to answer, The first time you go home (have not faced that one --- but plan to next weekend) & this week the first time I walked into a hospital.  I have not been to a hospital since the day we met with the surgeons to hear the possible & impossible treatments options.  I walked out of the hospital that day with my Dad by my side not knowing --- Is he or Isn't he ... We all now know that he didn't return --- He made the bravest, wisest & kindest decision... He took his time with us & not a team of surgeons ... Ben Brown died as he lived, on his own terms.  But that is not what Tuesday, March 29th was to be about ... A father of a friend, who is now himself a friend, is fighting his own battle --- Happily he is well on his way to victory.  In the deepest place of my heart I wanted & needed to wish him well in person.  I find myself in the parking deck wondering, "Can I really go in there and bring comfort & joy?"

That is where my Heavenly Father and my earthly one, who now has a better eye on me, taught me a lesson.  You see, I walked in that hospital room, had a delightful visit and left with my heart full of JOY.  I did not do one thing for the ones I visited --- They put a piece of me back in my heart.  I get it --- We do good, not for the benefit of others - They are already in the hands of the Healer ... We do good because it simply makes us better.  Thank you, Sweet Ones --- This week I wish you the same HEALING you gave me!

You see I was AFRAID ... I do not like admitting that.  I do however like that I faced it & I conquered it ... The rest of the week --- One part of my heart went flying over the handlebars - He is now the proud owner of some pretty impreesive scars... 2 of the 3 of my 4-legged parts of my heart survived an attack of what we now believe to be a hawk, They are too the proud new owners of quite a survival story... Fear --- It is there ... Have wished more than once that I could lock those I love up, throw away the key & simply be ...

Again I get a message ... The sun is back out, there was laughter from a bruised faced, dog treats happily taken & believe it or not the world kept right on spinning ... So no doors have been locked, instead they have been opened & with a shrug of the shoulders & and a chuckle I know REALLY there is nothing to be afraid of...

Happy Day - NO fear, JOY will CONQUER & HEAL ... You simply have to OPEN the door!

Love, me

What Sports Do You Do???

Good Rainy Monday Morning ... Usually I am not a big fan of rainy days - That being said I am hoping this will be the answer to curing my ever present NC spring headache... Now on to sports ---

The Final Four is set & I guess I could pretend to be sorry that one of my home state teams is not going to be present...But the AB's and their mom are happy to be cheering WildCat Blue!!!  If you know our family you know we are great sports spectators ... We know the basketball brackets, we seldom miss a football game at the Rock in Boone, we know our way around a racetrack ... All that being said, we probably don't have a linebacker in our ranks, a pitcher that will make the draft or a soon to be center on the court ... We have though reach a milestone ... When asked, "What sports do you do," my boys now do not hesitate to answer, "We board, ski, rock climb, run, hike & fish ... how about you?"

I loved that on Friday afternoon I sat by a campfire thinking of friends ... Some are across the country setting up house, some were skiing in the Rockies, one was packing up for a year long German adventure ... These thoughts made me smile - but none were happier than this girly girl who watched her boys set up a fort at "Camp Abb", laughed at the bongos that were considered essential supplies, and read by flashlight to boys who couldn't wait to hear the end.

It seems in this day of "organized" sports and professional athlete obsession many have forgotten that the Coach of all Coaches, the Team Manager of all Managers and the GroundsKeeper of all GroundsKeepers has given us the the greatest of games to play.  Now rest assured on any given afternoon a pick-up game can be found in our drive, we have been known to require grown-ups to play flag football before dinner & just last week you could find Poppy in a coat and tie rounding the bases ...

I am not asking you to give up your sports but I am suggesting you give your own backyard, your city, and your state a second glance.  Strap on a pack, pedal the trail, skip a rock, build a fort, hike to the summit ... These sports will give your game of life a new appreciation ...

Here's to the UnderDog ... Here's to the One no one Expected ... Here's to Our Own BackYards...

Happy Playing... Love, me

Welcome Back...

I didn't realize how much I would miss keeping in touch...CaringBridge provided me with an unexpected gift during Dad's journey.  It has been 5 weeeks & 1 day since Ben Brown took his last earthly breathe - and I am missing him more than I could have ever imagined.  I didn't feel it was right to continue my journey on CaringBridge since that was his site --- I even consider maybe I shouldn't write again...That hasn't set well with my soul...So I am changing venues...

I have said many times that this journey we have been on has taught me a great deal.  What I have learned in the last 5 weeks & 1 day is that my journey continues but it has taken a different turn.  Losing a parent changes you.  The heart that is in part my father's doing has been broken.  Because I am his daughter I am working very hard to put in back together.  And that is why I am here...Words on paper or screen seem to be my best way of praying and praying is the only way I know how to get my heart back together.

I plan on visiting often & we will see where this leads --- Who knows...But today we are off to surprise the boys...A campout is in their future and they have NO idea!!!  You see I am still me ... Joy is found in simple --- a tent on a cold spring night, hothdogs on a open flame, reading by flashlight & lots of laughter ...

Glad to be back!  Love, me